Posted Oct, 05 2013

A group of doctors were out duck hunting, when a large bird flew overhead.

The family doctor raised his gun to shoot, but then lowered his gun saying “I am not sure that is a duck.”

The Psychiatrist raised his gun, but then lowered it again saying “I know it’s a duck, but I’m not sure that it knows it’s a duck.”

The surgeon raises his gun and blasts the bird out of the sky. He turns to the pathologist and says “Go see if that was a duck.”




Posted Oct, 02 2013

One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.

When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:

“Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang

and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!”

“Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what

about the other?” “They called back!”




Posted Oct, 01 2013

Did you hear about the dead cabbage? There was a big turnip at the funeral.




Posted Sep, 29 2013

Apple Inc. has developed a new high tech toilet. The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device:

 

Either the iPood, or the iPeed.




Posted Sep, 24 2013

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?” The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic… “Try doing it with the engine running”




Posted Sep, 22 2013

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”




Posted Sep, 17 2013

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’

The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’

The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’




Posted Sep, 15 2013

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: “Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?” Young Bobby replied with “The same number of times I’ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.”




Posted Sep, 13 2013

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.  Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”